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Finding yourself after marriage

I feel like I’m still finding myself to be honest but it has been an interesting journey .

Marriage in itself is a life changing event that can influence a lot of things about yourself.

Remember prior to this individual being in your life you were your own person doing things your own way with your personal perspectives of life.

It's very common to feel like you're "finding yourself" after marriage, especially if you've made compromises or sacrifices to make the relationship work.

I made career sacrifices to make it work for my marriage especially after being a mum, as my presence in my daughters life is very important to me and raising her in these early stages of her life is key as I don’t want to regret not being there in future. 

This was my personal decision and other people may choose their careers and find other ways to make it work. It’s not an easy decision to make as it also depends on your circumstances, goals and needs.

Ultimately I find in life something always has to give but you decide on what’s worth giving.

You literally plan your lives together and consider things like , household chores, bills, Budget, Kids (if you want them) Where you plan to live,  how many holidays you can do per year etc even planning these areas has aspects of compromise as you won’t always have the same views on what this looks like.

Having kids can also change the dynamics of your marriage as you can easily feel a sense of loss of who are and finding your way back to yourself can be quite difficult at first.

 In my case it was extremely difficult to find myself, I suffered with ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) after a traumatic birth so my journey back to myself took a little longer.

Here are some useful tips I discovered for finding yourself after marriage:

  1. Me Time: it’s really important to take time for yourself & Schedule regular "me time" where you can focus on your own interests and hobbies. This can help you reconnect with yourself and your passions.

  2. Communicate with your partner: Talk to your partner about your need to find yourself and what that means for your relationship. It's important to have their support and understanding.

  3. Explore new things: Trying new things can help you discover new passions and interests. Consider taking a class or joining a club/group that aligns with your interests.

  4. Practice self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. This can help you identify what's important to you and what you want out of life.

  5. Set boundaries: It's important to set boundaries with your partner, family, and friends to make sure you have time for yourself. Learn to say no to things that don't align with your priorities. (Read my blog on boundaries for more info)

  6. Connect with others: Join a support group for new parents or connect with other parents in your community. This can help you feel less isolated and provide opportunities for personal growth.

You deserve the the best out of your marriage and it’s important that you both serve each other respectfully and wholeheartedly through your journey together.

A reminder I will be taking for myself and hope this helps others is “Don’t loose yourself and try and remember who you are before thinking of everyone else” if you’re not okay then how can your partner or family be able to access the best version of you.

Are you like me and still finding yourself or have you mastered this skill already or are you still searching for the one and really here for tips ?

Let me know in the comments.

Sewa Adebayo

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1 Comment

Elizabeth Peters
Elizabeth Peters
Apr 23, 2023

These are really helpful tips! Thank you

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