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Boundaries are a set of rules to guide people around you on how best they can approach you.

Why do we need boundaries ?

If you find you yourself in a situation that does not allow you to be yourself or perhaps make you feel taken advantage of....... setting boundaries helps protect your personal space for others to value you.

Here are a few examples of some boundaries you can create :

  • Through Conversations - how you may wish to be spoken to or addressed.

  • Understanding your Limits- what your willing and unwilling to do.

  • How and where you see yourself in your various connection with people.

  • Emotional limits -this could be based on past experiences with either family, friends, relationships that you may not wish to share.

  • Physical boundaries - understanding what you are comfortable with and the extents where people can go with you, this could be public displays of affection or anywhere around your personal space..

  • Spiritual boundaries -this is your right to believe, worship and practice whatever you believe in, so if you decide to start singing worship songs in the middle of your day that's your right as long as it does not disturb your neighbour.

  • Digital boundaries - you may not wish to be tagged in every post or want your photos to be posted on certain platforms.

It’s important to consider all the relationships you have in life -good or bad and define the impacts they all have towards you and the changes you wish to make towards them.

How to set boundaries: 

  • Firstly understand why you want to make those changes.

  • What impact those changes will have in your life.

  • Understand the changes you need to make to ensure it happens.

You need to create Protective spaces :

This could be with family, friends, partner, children, colleagues… the list goes on but the most important thing is to set boundaries in areas you feel mostly challenged.

Things to consider :

  • Be open and state what your boundaries are with people.

  • You Don’t have to always be available for everyone or everything

  • Don’t be a people pleaser

Some things to think about going forward:

  • You might be tired or burnt out and setting boundaries helps protect your energy.

  • Some people may not take the boundaries you set very well.

  • People may assume they understand you reasoning behind setting boundaries but the reality is no one can truly understand your feelings as to why you set them.

  • Most importantly, make yourself a priority and be comfortable about the decisions you make.

I hope this helps in some way, as I’ve come to realise boundary setting is valuable.

Some people like to take advantage when they can and you will find out quickly the effects/ impacts it can have if you don’t set your boundaries.

Do you have any boundaries that you have set?

Let me know in the comments.

By Sewa Adebayo


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